And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
