just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
