broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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