Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize