My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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