i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
