Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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