I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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