i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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