I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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