that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
