we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
