you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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