I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
