Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
