is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
