What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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