Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
