Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
