Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Use "feeling words"
Yay
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
