Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
