I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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