She just used a chaser for red wine.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
