you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
