You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
