see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
