Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
