i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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