dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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