Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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