I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
