Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
