She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
