I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
