if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize