ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
