Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
