Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
