oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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