My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
