oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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