I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
