The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
