is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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