I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love having hate sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize