Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
