You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
