i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
