Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
