i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
