don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
