My sheets look like a crime scene.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
