have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
