Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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