We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize