Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
bring money and cleavage
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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