Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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