Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
