Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
