I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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