U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
