Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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