we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize