i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
