Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
