lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
