Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
