if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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